D's Pizza Delivery

Small children are adorable. I delivered to a house the other night and a little girl came up to me, proclaiming how much she loves "pasketti," then boldly asked, "Did you bring me pasketti?" I did.

Last night a woman, who I imagine just wanted to complain about something, took a bag from me and groaned about how "this doesn't feel like it's very hot anymore."
"That's okay," I told her. "It's your tiramisu."

I will no longer be returning to houses when nobody's home, starting a few nights ago. I got to a house 20 minutes early. I rang, knocked, called, rang, knocked, called, then gave up. I called them a final time, got no answer, and left the following message: "This is D with Napoli's. The time is 6:38 and I'm in front of your house with your food but not receiving an answer. As long as you're already out, your order will be ready for pick-up at the store." And they did pick it up, about 10 minutes later, because they thought it'd be okay to go and do some grocery shopping. The kind of grocery shopping that required more than one person, apparently.

Delivering in the rain is fun, but only when people aren't assholes. Last night there were a bunch of assholes, but fortunately there were also several generous people, including a couple very generous people (an $8 tip and an $18 tip). Despite all the assholes, I left last night with $78 in tips for 17 deliveries.

Management are actually actively discussing giving me a raise, even when I'm not around. I heard from another employee that when she asked for a raise a couple nights ago, as unprofessional as it was, a manager told her "The only person who's getting a raise soon will be D." Said another manager: "Oh, really?" Said first manager: "Yeah, he's been with us a really long time and deserves it." There was a little more back-and-forth, but you get the gist.

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cheap Trick, AC/DC, Van Halen, and Alice Cooper are among my favorite bands to listen to while delivering. If I'm not listening to music when I work, I'm listening to talk radio. The only downside is that since I'm constantly in and out of my car, there's a lot of stuff I miss when it comes to talk radio.

# posted by D @ 8:19 AM 0 comments

Last night, I was simply amazed at how well I was able to control myself. Let's start off at the beginning:

Two deliveries were up; one to Street A and the other to Street B. "Street A is on the way to Street B," I said, so I was given both to take. I looked at the tickets. Street A only ordered 30 minutes ago and were given an 50-60 minutes for delivery. Oh well, there's nothing wrong with showing up a little early. So I take Street A first and I get no answer at the door after ringing the doorbell. So I knock, loudly. Again, no answer. Street B's order is still sitting in my car and I can't remember how long I have to get there, so I hop back in my car and leave. Street B ends up getting there on time, and all is well, so I head back to Street A on my way back to the store. When I got there, it was now still about 10 minutes early.

I knock first this time, loudly. No answer.
I ring the bell again. No answer.
I knock one last time. No answer.
I hop in my car and call the customers on the phone number they gave us. By the sound of the voice mail, it's their home number. No answer. I left the following message: "Hi, this is D with Napoli's. I have your address as XXXX Street A. I just wanted to let you know I've been by your house twice now, but neither time did anybody come to the door. If you'd like, you may call Napoli's at (insert the store's phone number here) and let us know when you're ready to have your order delivered. We will try and get it to you shortly thereafter. I am so sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you." The whole thing was dripping with sarcasm, especially the last line. Anyway, I got back to the store and put the delivery to Street A in a safe place, then explained to everyone who'd be getting the phone what was going on. I told them not to send anyone out with that delivery until the customers called back, even if it was getting close to the hour delivery time they'd been given.

I took a few more deliveries and, about an hour and 20 minutes after they ordered (20 minutes after their delivery should have been there), the customers on Street A called back wondering where their food was. Someone else took the call, but told me the customers said they were home the entire time. Right, whatever. I took their delivery for a third time, half expecting them not to answer the door. They did.

Me: "How are you today?"
IC: "Not too good."
Me: "Oh yeah? Why not?
IC: "Because you guys are late!"
Me: "With all due respect, I've been here twice already and nobody answered the door."
IC: "We were home the entire time."
Me: "I'm not sure what happened, then. I rang the doorbell, knocked, and even called you guys and left a message."
IC: "You're so full of shit."
I was suddenly in shock; I've had customers curse at me before, but never had one ever called me a liar
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
What I should have said here was "Sir, until you apologize to me for what you just said, I will make sure we never deliver to you again." But I didn't. Dammit. Just imagine, from this point on, that my voice has picked up a very sarcastic tone behind pretty much everything I say. At this point, I begin speaking to the customer as though he's a child (even though he's at least 20 or 30 years my senior).
IC: "You're full of shit."
At this point, the customer reaches out and rings the doorbell multiple times to prove that it works.
Me: "I see it works; that's so strange that you didn't hear it if you were here the entire time."
IC: "My wife and I were in this room (he points to a room right by the door) the entire time."
Me: "Then you definitely should have heard when I knocked."
IC: "You guys have done this to us before."
Me: "I understand. Sometimes our customers just aren't home, so we have no choice but to wait for them to call us, rather than waste a driver's time by sending them out."
IC: "We were right here the whole time."
Me: "Sir, how the heck would I benefit from calling you 30 or 40 minutes ago -- and you can check your caller ID and voice mail -- just to lie to you?"
IC: "This has happened before, and I won't put up with it."
I know the customer was telling the truth, because it had happened before with me.
Me: "Yeah, that's pretty bizarre."
IC: "I know the owner. I'm going to call him and let him know what you guys are doing."
Me: "Good luck with that. Enjoy your food."

Without another word, I left. The food/money exchange had taken place at the beginning of the conversation. For whatever reason, the guy still tipped a couple bucks on his relatively small order. As soon as I got back in my car, I called Napoli's and explained to a manager over the phone what had just happened. I didn't relay the entire conversation, but I did include the important parts, especially the customer telling me I'm "full of shit." I admitted that after that point I may have gotten a little rude. My managers understood and were eager to talk to the guy when he called back. Unfortunately, as long as I was still there, he never called back.

# posted by D @ 10:03 AM 0 comments

Last night I took a delivery to a senior citizens' community. As I was pulling up to "check in" (the gatekeeper never actually makes me check in), it was brought to my attention that my driver-side headlight had gone out (suddenly I remember, all too late, what it was I wanted to do this morning). That was wonderful news (sarcasm), considering I kept hearing on the news of the terrible storms that were coming our way last night. So I'd be stuck taking deliveries in the rain with only one headlight and fog lights that, when I actually need them, don't really amount to much.

I was driving out to the middle of fucking nowhere when the rain started. There were large drops hitting my windshield, but nothing too serious. In fact, by the time I got to my destination the rain had almost stopped, which was good because I had to roll down my window to punch in a gate code. I got up to the house, pulled up in front of the door, grabbed the food, and got out. It was raining again, but still somewhat lightly. The woman invited me in, but I had just walked through a puddle and didn't want to get her floors wet. Besides, there was an awning over the entrance that protected me from the rain.

Until the wind kicked in. I'd been hearing about the wind all night on the radio. Suddenly, as I stood there, the clouds unleashed a deluge of water upon us, with 80 mile-per-hour winds to top it off. I got my check, then dashed out to my car and jumped in. In the time it took me to open the door, jump in, and close the door, my passenger seat had gotten soaked. That's how rough the wind was; the rain was falling horizontally. I got on the road and it only took me a few seconds to realize I couldn't see more than a couple yards in front of me. I called Napoli's and told them I was pulling over for a while and to stop taking delivery orders. They obeyed.

The rain let up a tiny bit (the wind did not) so I took advantage of the slightly better visibility and drove (slowly) back to the store. On my way I noticed uprooted trees and debris blocking roads, as well as traffic lights that were no longer functioning. Overall, a pretty dangerous situation. I realized on my way that the street lights were no longer on, regardless of how dark it had become outside. A power outage; great. I also saw that none of the lights for the stores in the little strip Napoli's is a part of were on, including the lights at Napoli's.

I pulled up behind the store and walked into the kitchen, where cooks were using the lights of their cellphones to see. I made my way up front where two customers were just leaving. Nobody had heard from the other driver. I tried calling him, but my server was down, rendering my phone pretty much useless. I was told that two people had ordered delivery before the outage (and before I had called and told them no more), and both orders were ready, but it was up to me whether or not I would take them. I looked at the two: one woman, apparently, had promised a good tip ($2) for making us go out in the bad weather. The other was a family who had tried to short-change me and another driver three times, but then started tipping $2-$3 after that. Despite the fact that the first delivery was closer, $2 is not a good tip, especially when delivering in that kind of weather. I decided to take my chances with the short-changers.

I took the second delivery. On the way: more debris, more broken branches and trees, more broken traffic lights, more neighborhoods without any power. I got there in good time, though, and the woman gave me $15 for her $12.88 order. Before I could murmur "thanks" and walk away, she told me I deserved more than that for having to go out in the crazy weather. She went inside, then came back with $3 more. We talked a little bit about the weather and I let her know that I had chosen to take her delivery instead of another one (I'm a sly dog, I know). She thanked me, told me to be careful, I told her about the conditions outside (she didn't have a battery-powered TV or radio), she asked about the threat of tornadoes, I told her there's always the possibility, so be alert, but none were expected, then I went on my way.

I got back to Napoli's and the other driver had finally arrived. He told us what we expected: more debris, more power outages, and even some flooding on major roads (I'd been taking side or back roads and hadn't seen any flooding yet). He took the other delivery and, I hope, got more than a cheap $2 tip. We hung out for a while in front of the store (it was way too damn hot inside), calculated our tips with a calculator on my cellphone, then left at 9:00. The lights were out all across this side of the city, but amazingly my apartment lights were still on. The weather died down to a light rain a little before I left Napoli's, but driving home was still rough because of all the debris.

All in all, last night was pretty good tip-wise, and pretty exciting too, but it's business as usual when I go in tonight. We'll see how that goes.

# posted by D @ 10:56 AM 1 comments